For over the past year, I was in a place of happiness just off the coast of bliss. Memories in such places have welded into my memory without burning them into oblivion by fire. I have been living out and expressing all of the thoughts & feelings that I would normally write here on a regular basis. I am so grateful for the ability to speak my mind and heart more than ever before.
"Since God has unconditional love for all his creatures and the way you treat people helps me see myself more like the way God does, that is the greatest gift of all."
I am taken to a place of joy and peace when I am connecting with God. In just over the past year, I have grown closer to so many people: My mom, church family, friends, and Jenn. They have all been beacons of light, encouragement, and joy in my life. They all have done their best to support me. Each of them have helped me see who I am in God's eyes.
"I have wanted to be more confident in myself, be able to take care of myself better, and have a better relationship with God in which I talk to or learn from Him daily. My inability to gain these three things and the resulting impact of that on my life, you, and our relationship is what brought me sadness and pain. I realized that I cannot date anyone until I become that person that I want to be."
I could not allow Jenn or I to stay in a place of sadness and pain residing in uncertainty any longer when I was the one who triggered such thoughts and feelings. At the end of August, I realized there were three things that I wanted for my life and tried to maintain regularly in my life, but was unable to do so. My inability to gain these things did not just impact me but also Jenn, our relationship, and those I was close to.
I am now at a place of hope among a state of diligence for change. For a few months, I dropped off of everyone's radar to focus on becoming the person I was not and was also getting support from just a few people outside of those that have been previously supporting me.
Currently, I am in a place of creation, re-establishment, and strengthening in all areas of my life including my relationships. As I put forth such efforts, I wonder who will want to be on the receiving end of that.